BRADwurst

BummBrumm BummBrumm

Techno-kids died out in the early 90s one might have thought. Tell that to the attendees of the Zurich Street-Parade. Amphetamine-fuelled and blissfully oblivious to major fashion dictats of recent decades, fluffy boots, synthetic clothing and big-fish-small-fish hand gestures were clearly du jour this Saturday.

meatfest

How many sausages can one humanly consume in one day? My recent family visit to the sleepy backwaters of Bavaria revealed that in excess of 12 sausages can be consumed daily in conjunction with 2 metric quarts of wheatbeer without adverse physical effects.

dancy-man-thing

On an uncharacteristically sober and muted night in dtpm after soho pride the following picture, taken on my mate Joozay's cheap asian import (the camera that is), proudly made its way to my collection. Trademark infringement proceedings are pending in the High Court, yet...who cares?

Shoreditch-juku, Tokyo, Japan

These days Shoreditch inparties are virtually impregnable to those of a non-drainpipe trouser wearing persuasion if you don't either:

(a) have a fluent command of japanese;
(b) live in a loft squat with the dj; or
(c) arrive wearing a lampshade and spats.

Being g>a>y certainly doesn't cut it as I recently discovered on a trip to an unnamed and since closed Saturday locale, called Family, oops. As it happened, my japanese-speaking entourage did in fact squat with the dj 'ditch style; yet, as i followed their queue-jumping trail into the club, I was abruptly pushed back by a reeling drag queen whose breath bore the unmistakeable whiff of tranny-grade cider, "You're just trying to push in, look at you, you can't be with them". Only my muffled cries of help in schoolboy japanese were picked up by the gracious Naoko who ensured a swift entry to the sea of striped tops and identikit haircuts.

ibiza 06

Ah ibiza. The hoardes of gurning Geordies in buckled shoes and beer-stained Ben Shermans, their broken-stilettoed womensfolk with a propensity for PeachSchnapps-fuelled aggression....why would you go?

....perhaps you went to S. Antonio. My ibiza is beautiful....

Bali 05

Two weeks after monsoon, Bali boasts its most verdant rice terraces of the year. Roads are often blocked and awash with silt and clay, yet preparations are under way and offerings laid out for Balinese New Year: "Selamaat Hari Raya!".

Non-Balinese are warned to stay indoors by nightfall. Those who have not done so in recent years have even been stoned to death by religious fanatics around the town of Sanur. Legend and belief have it that evil spirits arrive on the night of Hari Raya. All the inhabitants of the island must stay silent indoors, with no power, gas or motors allowed . To do otherwise might attract the evil spirits who, upon their arrival, encounter empty houses, farms and villages and therefore disappear until next year. During such times, law enforcement is handed over to the Balinese-Hindu religious police who are affiliated to local temples.

My mistake was to get chatting to the locals too close to sunset. Having met some locals lads, I walked with them through a series of hamlets, where the locals crouched informally outside their shacks on the street and bid me good evening "Selamaat Soray!". Yet dusk had already fallen when I realised I was at the top of a hill with over half an hour to walk home. Scurrying back through the increasingly empty villages, my presence was now less appreciated and, on passing a temple, I heard a commotion and was pulled to a stop by two religious guards brandishing antique swords. My lack of Indonesian may on this occasion not have been to my advantage.

As I was unable to explain myself, I hurried away from them homewards. Hours later, the religious police came to the gate of our property, clanging with sticks and remonstrating loudly. They demanded a Rp.10,000 fine for my alleged breach of the peace. Bravely, my father promptly refused to accede to this barely disguised bribe, but only after pointing out that I had been led astray by locals who, themselves, ought to have been indoors at dusk. Moreover, their clattering at our gate had woken up all the dogs in the neighbourhood and a cacophony of howling descended the dense undergrowth of the mountainside. That, surely, would be enough to entice evil spirits arriving on this day.